Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize