He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
