walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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