I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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