doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize