thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
