I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
