East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
