I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
