I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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