omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
