Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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