i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
