I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
