either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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