it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
