Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize