I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
