Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
