if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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