You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I've blown a few things in my day
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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