do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
