We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
