hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
please don't ironically join a cult
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