dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
