Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
