doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
