2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize