dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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