I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i believe in u and ur pee
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
