Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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