i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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