Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize