I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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