Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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