im having a threesome with these popsicles
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
