"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize