I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
ok first of all what the fuck
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
