At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
