just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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