did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
