dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
