Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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