...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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