Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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