dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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