o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just had sex on a roof
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
