she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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