Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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