I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
