One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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