we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
