She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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