I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
