I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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