Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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