when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize