When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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