eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize