he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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