i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
