Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
