and you said cock pushups were impossible
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
