Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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