i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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