the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
