Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
