I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My liver just had a heart attack.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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