none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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