My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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