Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
