3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
