the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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