Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
