You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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