I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
