Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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