Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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