i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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