see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
