umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
