It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
