i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
