Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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