I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
