You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
