I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
sarcasm needs its own font
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
