all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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