Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
