There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
