Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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