I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
