Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
