I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
