Whod you bang
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize