I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
