Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
