She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
