This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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