hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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