What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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