Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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