I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
