Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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