Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
