Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
