I seem to have left my pride at pride
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
