Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i love accidental penises.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
