Your face is a jimmy john
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
