Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
