His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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