No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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