well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
