I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she smelled like a LAN party
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
