I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
