Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
