the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
