Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
