i permit you to call me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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