ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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