Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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