After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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